Rumors circulate the city that many of the alleged leader’s of our fair cities underworld are considering a ceasefire over the upcoming holiday season. Christmas Eve and Christmas Day are reportedly a no-fire holiday to give the hard working people of the city a chance to visit relatives without worrying about being caught in the crossfire.

            While no warring has been going on this fine holiday season there is little reason to believe that anyone is safe. This reporter strongly suggests spending your holiday out of town if you aren’t going to be on top of your game.

            One hundred and nineteen people have been killed so far and that number is sure to grow, once the easily agitated underground begins to grow weary of all the holiday cheer.  Rumor’s that The Grinch is a local resident abound. No sightings of his Greenness have come to our attention here in the newsroom but the delivery guy did say he contracted a peculiar STD from a local “lady of the night”.  (He wore a condom but apparently he still came away with a green hue.)

            It’s common knowledge among the old-timers around here that Xmas ceasefires have been tried before but rest assured honest working peoples. This time it could really stick. I won’t name names but it’s apparent that many of those signed on are powerful leaders around the city.

            Merry Christmas and Happy Holiday’s to you all.

*We understand that many of you may not celebrate Christmas but we do so you’ll have to deal with a biased press in this instance.*

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